Up and down

Okay, so something I need to talk about is this feeling of bloody irritation and low level anger. WTF? I thought I was an easy going kinda gal. Since this new life adjustment, I'm suffering a kind of grumbling resentment. It's a bank holiday weekend and I'm playing Mrs. Mop? Now, no one has asked me to morph into this boring Stepford wife but method role playing got the better of me. I dug deep into my psyche and pulled this version of "a wife". A doll like apparatus with movable parts. Legs and arms bend but only slightly. Cooks and cleans and issues Mom like instructions to teenage boy. 

Where is the wild me? The part that can not be tamed? I will not slide into middle age a version of myself. I realise I'm going through some kind of transitory period. I hit upon a particularly good dance album this morning. I say morning but to most of you this is probably the middle of the night. All it took was the sultry tones of a cracking bass line to make me remember. Who says this new life has to void of big old fashioned FUN?

Natural high hey. Worth thinking about. So what do all the other boring health nuts do for kicks? They exercise don't they? They climb mountains and all that shit. Husband would love that. Next time he wants to do Everest I might back a bag. Right, seeing as I quit Croak Patrick a third of the way up squealing "why?" "why?", I doubt going climbing is the right sport for me. Seriously though, little old ladies were passing me out like they had consumed amphetamine at base of "hill". Cue post traumatic stress just at the thought of that horrible memory.

Half of D4 are doing the Dublin city marathon this morning. Another reason to feel like a failure. I tried the couch to 5k about 10 or so times. I give up at week 6. If I stuck it out I could be decked out in lycra feeling very smutten smug. Surfing perhaps? I do live beside the sea. Closest I got to surfing was watching that documentary on surfers in Lahinch. Does that count? I mean I stood beside the surfers, surely that counts for something? 

I'm getting there, wherever there is?

So I'm noticing a tiny improvement in energy levels. I started back at Slimming world two days ago. I've managed to stick to it religiously. Ending on 5 syns yesterday. Used all in one sitting of course. Chocolate rice cake bars, well worth the 5 syns. I actually measured 275mils of low fat milk today. That is kinda shocking as it only amounts to a few cups of coffee. I even halved a sausage in my pursuit of staying within syn allowance. Granted it was filled with black pudding but none the less, I feel a round of applause is in order. Cue clapping and flower throwing.


I logged into my old SW account. Yikes, I am up a stone since my last effort to loose the flab. I'm up almost 2 stone since the wedding. I set a goal to loose 2 stone. Would I be happy then? Probably not. At least my wardrobe would fit again. I have never stuck at a healthy eating plan long enough to find out what my body would settle at. Moderation now being my new concept. I'm an all or nothing kinda girl. So I'm doubting this will stick. But what if it did? What if I succeeded this time and maintained. See a pig flying in a tutu anyone?

So that is alcohol ditched completely. Now, I am sticking to a healthy diet. Wow, who is this girl? Think of all the outfits I can wear. I love cloths. I love dressing to suit my mood. How liberating would it be to wear whatever I wanted? With in reason I guess. I'm sure I would elicit some funny looks in the office next time I arrive in wearing a crown.

The Corpse Bride...

I'm up since half three. I think it was the moonlight that woke me. Oh dear, I love early mornings but will pay for this come the three PM slump. I've to go out for a fine dining experience this evening. They would get more chat out of a corpse at that time of the evening. I suppose I will get by with "mmm", "lovely" and the odd "the food is great". I love early mornings and the quietness afforded before anyone else gets up. Lyric are playing demented music that sounds like the backdrop to a horror movie. I mean I'm pumped up on enough coffee to fuel a power station, I really could do without the manic music. It is causing my imagination to go into overdrive. It's pitch dark out and I live in the middle of nowhere. I also have a big old shed in the yard as the American's say. You know the kind, murderers like to lodge there whilst on the run. It could also be haunted. At least I know what to do in case of emergency. All those films taught me I'm not to go outside. Unless of course the intruder is inside. Then what? I guess I hide in said shed.

Feelings and lots of them?

I'm cross or sad or angry or...This pretty much sums up this past couple of weeks. Tis the hour of discontent my dear. I'm wondering if this is the energy to make those long needed changes. I've been in the pre contemplative stage of change now for approximately 30 or so years. So it has been about a month of giving up alcohol. I still have not ditched the sugar or taken up moving around as a basic principal. But boy I am ticked off. I'm also bored. Life now has just not enough sparkle. It is all work, work, work. I'm so physically exhausted by day end that I'm plonked on the couch like a beached whale.

I need to start with the basics like a 30 minute walk. Why is this beyond me?  I can find time for all other commitments. I read scheduling this activity will give it priority. Hmmm, I'm not convinced. So, sparkle where art thou? If you see a six foot psychedelic sparkly thing do me a solid and send it my way.