The storm is coming!

Yikes. The storm is coming. Hurricane no less. Storms remind me of the vulnerability of humans. I remember being caught in a storm in the past, just my son and I.

This opening line is powerful. I stopped typing then. Reading it now, it is prophetic. It has always been just my son and me. Nobody has ever truly entered the picture. I've tried—I really did. I regret my marriage. I regret moving to Lisdoonvarna to share my life with a robot. That's attachment wounding for you! Choosing an unavailable, judgmental nonhuman. 

I must remember all the eyerolling, all the joy steeling, and all the judging. Jesus, how can I forget the judgments? Well the storm came but it wasn't the weather kind. though that is scary, emotional storms and life circumstances that threaten your very sense of safety and security are far more terrifying. 

The storm has passed now, and I'm thrown ashore, gasping for breath and disoriented. I must have been disassociated when completing my thesis as the second I hit send, I came too. I looked around, and it was shocking to realise I was now living in a new apartment. My work is precious to me, and my manager parts use it to regulate. Big shout out to those hard-working managers who know how to keep me safe. Without the comfort of my work role, I sank to the bottom of the ocean. So far from human life and anything familiar. I sank and sank. I gave up. I allowed my body to go deeper. I might have played a bit and protested my distress in asking the then-boyfriend where do I fit? He didn't send a rope. I didn't protest too hard. I sank further.